There is a very fine line between being protective and possessive, and if you find yourself on the verge of “innocent” possessiveness, it may signal something more dangerous.
It often starts with requests that seem to be an extension of your affection, like “we should spend more time together” but soon skyrockets to complaints like, “You spend too much time with your family. What is the point of being together?” or “Why do you have to go out of town for work this much? It makes me so angry.”
These statements turn a shade darker with the use of expletives, nagging, threatening, emotional blackmailing and finally crying.
The question is, is this behaviour normal? Or more specifically, is breathing down someone necks a normal trait or is it something scarier?
Why do you get possessive?
Possessiveness of any kind is a clear-cut sign of insecurity and the result of self-abandonment.
It is when you rely way too much on other person and expect them to make you feel loved and important.
The lack of self-love and self-confidence are the seeds sown which result in a full-blown streak of possessiveness. It results in the feeling of needing someone to be happy, safe and secure.
When are you crossing the boundary?
How can you know that you are smothering your partner and causing them stress? Here is a checklist to help you with the same:
1. Do you spy on their Facebook and Whatsapp accounts and/or check their call logs when they are not around?
2. Do you closely monitor their interactions with people of opposite sex– be it friends or colleagues–and try to find excuses to fight?
3. Have you emotionally blackmailed your partner into cutting contact with friends of the opposite sex, you are threatened by?
4. Do you call them whenever the two of you are not together and keep a constant check on their whereabouts?
5. Do you stalk people on their friend lists on any social media?
6. Do you manipulate or gaslight your partner into staying at home and cancel plans that involve prolonged periods of staying away from home?
7. Do you make your partner the centre of your world, while having no space at all for other friends, family or even a life of your own?
If the answer is yes…
If your answer is yes to any of the questions above, it is advisable to consult professional help as people who have borderline personality disorder are prone to being insecure and possessive. Those suffering from BPD are unable to control their emotions and they may appear jealous, possessive or even hyperactive. It is of utmost importance to identify these signs of possessive behaviour and nip them in the bud.
While it is normal to see some amount of insecurity and healthy possessiveness, it is when these insecurities become downright dangerous and progress to become verbally or physically abusive, that is when you need help.
The taboo behind consulting a professional therapist or counsellor should be done away with as it helps to save your relationship from turning into a toxic nightmare.